I have read a lot recently about addiction and there is the known major additions to illegal drugs but there are also the additions to legal drugs and to legal stimulants which are seemingly harmless. One can be addicted to say, chocolate biscuits, to over-eating, to alcohol, to prescription drugs and many other addictions.
I am writing this from the heart in the hope that my story may help even just one person, in which case it will have been worthwhile.
I went to the dentist today and I was required to complete my medical history on a tablet. This was supposedly for privacy but I was not comfortable in transmitting my private medical history to the internet. The receptionist was surprised at my reluctance to share my information. Anyway, she insisted and I had to record that I have had cancer. I added that I am now in remission. I did not add that I am in remission for the second time as the cancer came back after the first time but now thanks to the wonderful medics in our wonderful National Health Service they got me back into remission.
Another question on the intrusive tablet was alcohol intake per day or week, I can't remember which. I was proud to put none in the check box.
My story was not always like that. Before the cancer was diagnosed I felt unwell and the Doctor put it down to 'Anxiety States'. That carried on for a while. I became unable to work and I suppose I slipped into depression although I did not know why. Occupational Health at work asked it was due to my parents. I saw red at that as my parents were wonderful and we had a great relationship. The truth was that I felt that I was not valued at work. I had got on very well at work and I had received various accolades. I was then asked to investigate some wrong doing in the workplace. That I did successfully and I could be described as a 'Whistle-blower'. Some people lost their jobs but there were high profile people involved and I ended up being sidelined and bullied. I was off work when friends noticed how frequently I went to the loo. I was persuaded to have a test at the hospital and I was told to come back the next day and I was told that I had cancer. My employer never accepted that and merely said that I was costing them money buy being off work. I was even told to attend meetings the day after my one of my treatments as though treatment for cancer is like a flu jab. I was finally called in to a tribunal and my former line manager who had left was called back to testify against me. I was finally dismissed for failing to attend work.
I now attend a hospice once a week for support and I know of one other similar case. I expect there are many more out there.
My life fell apart and I sold the family home and bought a 2 bedroom house. Once there I slipped into having wine as well as the medication. After 8 months I moved into a rented cottage where I was so unhappy I cannot describe. The man next door was an alcoholic and using the key he had as a neighbour, he came in and drank the landlord's spirits. My depression sank to the lowest especially as the rented cottage was opposite the gate to my old home. Somehow I managed to scrape together the remaining money and buy where I am now. Wine was still my false friend and I was on a never ending treadmill of low self esteem. Last October I had a scare that I was going to have cancer for a third time and I was booked for a full body scan. I decided to make sure that my body was a 'clean' as possible and so I stopped drinking alcohol. Friends encouraged me and it was only relatively hard as I felt my life was on the line. I haven't drunk alcohol since then; not even at Christmas. I have discovered the best and worse on non-alcoholic wines but this isn't advertising so I will let anyone interested find out for themselves.
Having cancer I found that my mind went and I was unable to do the simplest of tasks. Losing my job was a terrible blow but what made it worse was that the employer showed not one bit of care to me as a person.
The good thing about cancer was that I value the important things; my life, my true friends, the weather, the creatures, the garden, simple trips out and being true to who I am. I used to think that happiness was material possessions and they too, can be an addiction but being diagnosed with serious cancer puts things into perspective. True, my employer needs to sort out their approach to people but I am a survivor. Addiction to alcohol, other drugs and stimulants doesn't work. I know because I have been there. The dentist's tablet made me share my story of depression, addition and my new life. If I can do it, EVERYONE CAN.
Very moving
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